Should Obesity Stop A Marriage From Happening?

Filed under: Low-carb Tips — @ August 22, 2007

Love is a beautiful thing. When two people meet and create that indestructible connection with one another, it’s something to be treasured by both the man and woman for the rest of their lives in holy matrimony. It’s the best thing that ever happened to me.

But what if there is a concern by one of the two lovebirds for the other spouse? Not about that other person’s commitment to the relationship, but with their physical ability to be in it for the long haul. I’m referring to the subject of obesity and how that can impact the wedding plans despite the love.

This is precisely the predicament that one of my readers finds herself in right now with her lover who is obese and she needs help trying to help him lose weight and get healthy for the sake of their future together. It’s a common issue that I’m sure many of you will be able to relate with whether you are thinking about marriage or have been together for many years.

Here’s what she wrote to me in that e-mail:

Dear Jimmy,

I have been a devoted reader of your blog for some time, and I applaud you not only on your weight loss, but on the help you give to others!!

I have no idea if you’ll actually read this or take the time to respond, but I am genuinely not sure where else to ask.

I’m at a healthy weight, 130 lb at 5’6″. I had my own weight loss experience in adolescence, about 75 pounds, so I can appreciate the sensitivity and the emotions that go along with the experience of being obese and then losing the weight.

My significant other is obese at 5’9″, about 275 pounds. He was that big when we met, and I love him regardless of his weight. He’s an active guy, and despite some minor breathing/snoring problems, he seems relatively healthy.

We are at the point in our relationship where we’re thinking about marriage. My only hangup is his health–I don’t want to be a widow at an early age! He does see a doctor regularly, but says his doctor thinks he’s healthy. (I’m not sure if he has a “unique” doctor, or if he’s lying about what the doctor says–I can’t imagine a responsible doctor wouldn’t be encouraging him to lose weight.)

He’s been obese his entire life, and I know he has a lot of insecurities left over from childhood due to his weight. It’s a really touchy subject.

My question is this–How do I broach this with him? What can I say that won’t hurt him? My concern is honestly with his health, not the way he looks. Now that we’re thinking of spending our lives together, I want it to be a long, happy marriage–not one cut short by preventable health problems. (As a side note, I stopped smoking, a pack-a-day habit, for the same reasons, so I don’t think it’s totally out of line for me to bring this up.)

Any suggestions? I’ve read your blog post about this topic, and have “waited for him to come back to me,” but he’s not coming back for help.

If you’re too busy, I understand. But if you can take the time and help, this Midwestern girl would surely appreciate it.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

This e-mail really hit home with me because this is something that my wife Christine and I went through early on in our marriage, too. Find out what I think she should do to help her lover get healthy for their marriage by clicking here.

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